The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Director:
Drew GoddardWriters:
Joss Whedon, Drew GoddardSo on Halloween I decided to watch a scary movie on Netflix while my Mom worked the door for the maybe dozen trick or treaters we got that evening. Sadly The Cabin in the Woods was not. Love Joss Whedon, he has given us some amazing movies and TV shows, but I suppose there's always that one project we regret. I've got a few of my own.
The movie begins off in a confusing manner with a couple of basic white collar office workers gathered around a water cooler discussing their lives outside of the office. After a brief intense discussion with a female co-worker about things having failed in Sweden, they jump to work on whatever the hell it is they do. Hold onto that thought.
Now to the world outside of the office, we meet the typical 5 college aged kids who are going to eventually die (if we're lucky, trust me) by the end of the movie. And of course, they're all stereotypical. The movie goes out of it's way to make this point. I can't really tell if the acting is good or bad because of how the characters are portrayed. I'm gonna go with the term "meh" on that. I guess Chris Hemsworth needed something to subsequent his funds between Thor and The Avengers, at least that's what I hope is the reason behind his doing the movie.SO now on to the meat and potatoes of the movie. One of the character's cousins bought some cabin in the woods and has given them the keys, so hey, let's get away from everything to a remote place where obviously nothing could ever go wrong for the weekend where we can be as uninhabited as we want! Has great idea written all over it doesn't it? Off to the cabin we go then, with the typical stop at the practically abandoned gas station run by the crazy old man who speaks in cryptic undertones. After a fill up it's on to the cabin. Meanwhile we go back to the office and find our two white collared workers in a control room setting up things around the cabin for who knows what reason. Typical things abound at the cabin: swimming, truth or dare, drinking, yada yada yada. Then we find the secret room with all the mysterious relics in it. Turns out each relic is connected to some horror the two white collar workers will unleash, depending on which relic the kids choose to unknowingly unlock. Let the blood shed begin!
What follows is honestly even worse acting, lame lines, pathetic forced screaming and death. There is one death that felt like a bit of a cop out, though was oddly funny as well. At this point the movie becomes even more undone. Two of the college kids find a secret entrance to the office building where our white collar workers have been operating things under the cabin along with a host of horrors trapped under there as well. Without giving anything away, all I can say is chaos ensues from here on out and then Sigourney Weaver comes along to explain what if you were able to pay attention this far into the movie have figured out at 30 to 45 minutes ago. And then 10 minutes after that, cue end of the movie. Honestly was a different ending from what I was expecting, but compared to the rest of the movie, I suppose I could be grateful for how it ended. Though it feels honestly as if a coin was flipped of which way the writers wanted the movie to end.
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Honestly The Cabin in the Woods is not the worst horror movie I've ever seen, but I've seen much better as well. There was one scene that did actually have me a little nervous, but the rest of it I went from "Ouch that looks very painful." to "really guys?". Final opinion on it: SO glad I did not spend theater money on it. I'd have been slightly put out.2/5 stars on my own personal scale.
